Greetings and Salutations to the Pigskin Nation!
Happy “Thank You God for Ending The Preseason” NFL Regular Season! Nice to meet you.
About me: “Looking to spoil the lady of my dreams with flowers, candlelit dinners and long walks!”
Really about me: “Looking to teach a woman the dynamics of a 3-4 hybrid defense; the difference between a T-Bone and a Porterhouse; when and when not to ‘go for two’; and/or where to find the craziest fashion sales on Sunday afternoons!”
What I Like:
I love football!
I love food, BBQ and grilling!
I love road trips!
I despise referees who can’t see a “holding call” or a “horse-collar” in real time, even if we took a photo and telepathically implanted in their brain.
I enjoy yelling at the 2-man broadcast teams who miss stupid calls and spectacular plays that my lazy ass saw 15 seconds and a commercial before they did.
I like ranting about 2nd string QB’s who can find their ass with two hands and a flashlight.
I love yelling at those broadcast teams when they toe the company line because of the 1.4 billion their corp. spends annually with the NFL Vatican.
I love comedy.
I love sports business.
I like analyzing the dichotomy between sports and business.
I love the “randomness” of football stats, and how they effect an entire season for a team.
I relish the opportunity to chuck rubber bricks at my 55” High Def screen when the impulse hits me.
So, all in all, this weekly Fat and Skinny Post will entail a series of prose featuring ALL of the above. Sometimes a “rant”, sometimes just of self-therapeutic value – whereby you can comment on my potential undiagnosed brain injury. And on many occasions it will be general observations – a peculiar-tasting cocktail of topics reflecting my abundance of love for the NFL, BBQ, and High Def TV, the business of sport and media, and ironically – concussion settlements.
All of this will be compounded by a lifetime storybook of celebrity relationships, athlete stories, namedropping, and ramblings from future autobiography “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up…. Seriously!”
I have had cocktails with Tony Romo at midnight on the first day of training camp; talked ribs, sausage and body bruises with Earl Campbell (pictured above), Atlanta BBQ with Falcons coach Mike Smith, walks through the M&T Bank Stadium tailgates with Super Bowl winning coach Brian Billick; cooked with Dr. BBQ Ray Lampe; talked with the NFL top psychologist; talked 3 technique with NFL Radio’s Pat Kirwan; and interviewed the brightest business minds in football.
So, these are the types of Courses I will serve weekly:
The Business of Football; Football Nostradamus; Bungling Media Types; Drugs – Who’s on’em, who needs’em; Football Parodies; Football & Food Parallels; Football & Food Fallacies; Funny Ha-Ha – Funny Ho-Ho – and Funny Uh-Oh observations from the weekend that was. And my “10 Bucks Says” department will cover some obscure prognostications that came to me in my sleep after a night of shots and beer. I’ll even throw in a mildly amusing football joke that you can tell the boys in the living room or parking lot. And if a game is out of reach, and an NFL Cheerleader of note catches my eye, why not?
And lastly you can expect: “Praise The Lard” – my weekly recipe that pays homage to a man’s biological need for food sex………..BACON! I am after all, not just an armchair QB, but a Gridiron Chef.
All 32 teams, every referee/linesmen errrr…. linespersons, coaches, players, GM’s, stadiums, gut-busting recipes, libations, tailgating, homegating, Super Fans and whatever crosses my mind, while I am consumed by the only diversions to mid-life stress and trauma. “Nothing” is off limits as I crawl into my trance of 3-plus days of football and food.
I will also take “YOUR” suggestions on anything you’d like me to discuss… anything! From how we can persuade your significant other to take long walks with her friends and visit the mall on Sunday afternoons; to why is my steak tougher than Mr. T.; to why picking up a dead guy off the waiver wire for your fantasy lineup is usually bad and sometimes good; to anything “man cave” related. Email me now: [email protected]. The crazier the better! I want angles, absurdities, bacon recipes and beer pairings.
And hey, we’ll be awarding the Fat and Skinny Post’s most loyal readers. Got plenty of BBQ gear, fan novelties, and man cave gifts and we’ll toss’em out to our readers.
After my consuming all things NFL Thursday and Sunday, I will commence this “Fat and Skinny Post” column, and hope to be finished by my 3rd beer over Monday Night Football, and will have it posted for Tuesday.
On Mondays and Tuesdays, get over your teams’ losses, or the gloating if you squeeze out a W; peruse your fave NFL pundits who cover everything from “what RG Pope had for breakfast” to overanalyzing the different versions of QB ratings.
Then, come back to see me for little “left of center” football and food musings.
This is will be “The Fat and Skinny Post”.
Parking Lot Pro – “Doc”
Editor’s Note: You can find out more about the Author at the Tailgate Media Network.
As always you can leave your comments below. You can follow @GridironChef on twitter for all your Homegating/Tailgating needs, and the follow the site @lastwordonsport while you are at it.
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Main Photo Credit: Author’s Own Collection, All Rights Reserved.
