For Matt Dooley, admitting to his coaches, teammates, friends and family that he was gay was the easy part. Admitting it to himself was much tougher. The Notre Dame tennis player revealed his story, and came out as a gay athlete in a piece on Outsports.com on Monday, just another name on the list as more and more LGBT athletes no longer feel the need to hide their sexuality from the world.
”Saying gay for the first time was extremely tough, almost choking, because you know your life will never be the same. That was the hardest part, to move forward from there,” the 22-year-old senior said Thursday. ”For me at least, every part of my being was like, ‘No, no you’re not.’ But I talk about growing. You learn to accept what you can’t change, and this is something I can’t change.”
Dooley told his coaches in August, and his teammates on September 16th, 2013, the two-year anniversary of Dooley attempting to commit suicide due to being unable to be true to himself and accept who he was.
“That day I wanted nothing more than to escape the anguish of coming out to my family, my friends, and, in a way, myself,” he wrote in the article. ”Death was better than accepting – or revealing – that I was gay.”
Dooley is in a much better frame of mind now, and he says he has received overwhelmingly positive support since coming forward with his story. He has received the help and support he needs to deal with this issue and seems to be much more comfortable in his own skin.
Even after being released from the hospital, Dooley was still dealing with the anxiety and depression of the situation. He didn’t tell anyone, not his family or his friends that he was gay. As things continued to spiral out of control, it was a moment of admittance and acceptance that changed things for Dooley.
Dooley says that coming out to teamate, Greg Andrews, made all the difference.
This time, I chose a different path.
I told my teammate Greg Andrews about everything. I risked it all and put in jeopardy my involvement with tennis, my last remaining oasis in a desert of distress.
As the words began fumbling out, I could feel the fear growing inside me. It can be tough to say the word “gay” for the first time. Once it’s out, there’s no going back. Before I could even think, it was over. I had told him everything. I remember wanting to just break down. I expected him to turn his back and simply walk away.
“Really? Really?” he said. “Man, I don’t care. You’re one of my best friends on the team. This doesn’t change anything, you are still Dooley to me.”
The moment was powerful for me because he had no reason to lie. He was not responsible for me as a family member might be, nor would he have been publicly shamed for washing his hands of me. I wasn’t even an essential part of the team at that point. But in that moment, Greg showed me that somebody could know me, truly know me, and still respect me.”
Notre Dame, as a catholic institution, follows the official church policy that asks gay people to practice chastity. It should be note though that the policy also asks all non-married people to not engage in pre-marital sex, and asks them to practice chastity as well. While the policy is surely not perfect, its also not something that the school actively enforces either.
The school has also taken other strides to help LGBT students in recent years, such as the creation of PrismND. Members of PrismND, the first official organization dedicated to serving the gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning students on campus, were pleased to see Dooley come out.
”It’s hard to imagine something like that happening even a couple of years ago, receiving the support he did from students on campus and the administration,” said Bryan Ricketts, co-president of PrismND, which started last year.
In December 2012, university administration announced a pastoral plan that calls for a ”spirit of inclusion” at Notre Dame and that ”calls all students to be friends and allies of one another.” This policy has led to the the formation of PrismND.
Dooley is working with the university’s student welfare and development office and PrismND to produce a video involving all teams at Notre Dame that will promote the You Can Play initiative, a group that wishes to promote acceptance and equality for LGBT atheletes in all sports.
Dooley writes, “I share this story in hopes of sending a single message to other gay athletes like me: No matter the circumstance or situation, you are never alone.”
We at LWOS support Dooley and remind anyone out there, no matter what the circumstances be true to yourself. Also for anyone with a mental illness, or who may be contemplating suicide, please remember that there are many places that are ready to help you and provide you with the services you need to get better. The most important step is to ask for that help.
Also from the article:
Matt Dooley is a senior at Notre Dame. He is working with the student welfare and development office at the school, along with the You Can Play project, to create a support structure for LGBT Fighting Irish athletes. You can find him on Twitter @MattDooleyND and via email at [email protected].
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